Tom Green

Worst Valentine’s Day Gifts for Men

Tom Green
Not the unboxing reaction you're going for on the 14th.

I’ve fielded a lot of questions this year on the do’s and don’ts of Manly Valentine’s Day gift giving and I’m still amazed how many of you are headed for absolute disaster.  The only thing worse than not getting him a gift at all, is getting him a gift that’ll say, “Hey there guy. You’re hairy. Here’s a back shaver”.  Or nose hair trimmer. Or diet book.

If you’re reading this thinking, “he just gave me three good ideas”, STOP READING NOW. Immediately browse our awesome gifts for men and buy something (read: ANYTHING) there.  Boom. Just saved your relationship.  You can thank me by ordering more Man Crate gifts for your husband, boyfriend, or whatever in the future.

Here’s just a few of the gifts you SHOULD NOT GIVE this Valentine’s Day.  Ignore at your own risk.  If you do, I’m pretty sure you’re going to have a long time to think about it.  Alone.

Crappy Valentine’s Gifts for Men #1 – Self-Help Books

All manner of self-help, self-improvement, diet, exercise and Chicken Soup for the Soul-type nonsense books are off limits.  There’s nothing that’ll help boost a guy’s morale than having someone other than himself telling him that he has low self-esteem.

Let’s face it. If he’s got self-esteem issues, and he’s dating you, that’s a problem.  Mostly for you.  Let sleeping dogs lie on this one and work on changing some other time of the year.  Vday’s not the day to start. It will end in tears.

Crappy Valentine’s Gifts for Men #2 – Stuffed Animals

Man with stuffed animal
It all starts with the teddy bear.

Yes, I understand you think its cute. But its not. If you give him a stuffed animal, you’re basically communicating that you want to date an 8 year old.

And no, I don’t care if he’s the “sensitive type”. It’s your job not to drive him deeper into that hole.  He’s got enough emotional baggage from his childhood – don’t throw fuel on the fire.

Crappy Valentine’s Gifts for Men #3 – The Usual “Gift baskets for Men”

I know I’ve covered this one before, but seriously.  Are you really going to send him something wrapped in cellophane, covered in bows and ribbons that comes in a wicker basket?  Really?

Might as well just ask him to turn in his man card. He’ll search for something worth salvaging in the mess, eat it quickly, and toss the rest in the garbage.  Either that, or give it to his lady friends.  If its a “gift basket” and you don’t open it with a crowbar, DON’T SEND IT TO HIM.

Crappy Valentine’s Gifts for Men #4 – Something You Made

Misspelled Crafts
No comment needed.

You’re a “creative type”. You like crafts and make quilts, and dye tshirts and make jewelry out of sea shells.  You’re artistic.  I get it.  But there’s a place for people like you.  It’s called Regretsy.  Um… I mean, Etsy.

While I’m sure there are people out there that are willing to part with their hard earned cash to buy whatever it is you call “handmade”, at least they’re doing it of their own free will.  When you gift something like a handmade sweater or pair of socks, he’s got no choice but to wear it.  It’s kind of like wearing speedos to a nude beach. You feel ridiculous and you’d rather be wearing nothing at all.

Crappy Valentine’s Gifts for Men #5 – Nothing

Almost as bad as getting a $0.25 tip. At least here he can tell himself “maybe she forgot”.  Kind of like he’ll be telling himself, “maybe she’d like to walk home from this $300 dinner reservation that I booked two months in advance”.

I know gift giving for guys can be hard. That’s why we started Man Crates.  Buy a crate for him. He’ll get to rip it open with a crowbar and will love the stuff inside. Done.

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