May First: The Underrated Holiday

During my sleepless nights, I usually find myself perusing Wikipedia’s “On This Day” section. Late last night,  I was ‘mouth-open shocked’ to discover how big of a deal the first of MAY is.

I know May 1st marks the holiday “May Day,” but when I think about it, all that happens is an image similar to the one below pops into my head. And then I am confused because I have no idea what May Day is actually celebrating, and I have this picture of kids dancing around a pole, and by this point I have started thinking about my next meal.

I am not going to explain May Day as you can look on wikipedia. And the Maypole, well I still don’t understand that. What I do know is that in Germany, an edgy type of maypole tradition exists where if a strapping lad has a lucky lady in his life, he might erect a small maypole by her bedroom window. Still not sure if Freud ever shared his thoughts on this tradition but I wouldn’t be surprised. 

The Maypole. Wait, what is a maypole?
The Maypole. Wait, what is a maypole?

MAY FIRST in itself is a big day without any of the May Day gaeity. Here I have highlighted some of the more notable events that occurred on May 1st.

Maybe the last?
Maybe the last?

Cricket hasn’t captured the hearts of most Americans, but it…. actually no that’s it. I don’t know a single person who partakes in this classy sport, let alone understands the rules of the game. (√ New Years for resolutions 2014)

What can I say? I'm a sucker for secret societies
What can I say? I’m a sucker for secret societies

The Illuminati became mainstream after being featured in hollywood hits (tip of the hat to you Mr. Dan Brown), but did you know that the society was initially founded to oppose superstition, prejudice, religious influence in public life, abuses of state power, and to support women’s education and gender equality. Back in 1776, that kind of ideology was counter-culture and they were outlawed (hence the secret-society angle.) Fast Forward to modern day, their reputation falls somewhere between conspiracy theory and uncertainty and “I want in”.

8 hour work day? Where?  Cheers to Moses Fleetwood Walker for being a game changer / having an awesome name.
8 hour work day? Where?
Cheers to Moses Fleetwood Walker for being a game changer / having an awesome name.

Moses Fleetwood Walker- you have an unbelievably awesome name and it seems like you were also an awesome person. You paved the way for race equality for one of the greatest sports. If he were alive today, I have a three pronged plan on what I would do.

Plan A) try to meet him

Plan B (in the event plan A doesn’t work) stalk him

If both A and B have failed or resulted in a restraining order– Plan C) create a Man Crate for him and his career with the Toledo Blue Stockings.

 

Screen Shot 2013-05-01 at 1.42.39 PM

Enough said. I love that airlines have food. And I love airline food.  

 

Screen Shot 2013-05-01 at 1.42.03 PMToo soon. Just never forget.

 

Screen Shot 2013-05-01 at 1.41.44 PMAs a child born in the post-polio epidemic, thank you Jonas Salk. As for Guam, keep predicting the US Presidential Election results with your straw vote because 100% of the time, you guys have been right every time.

 

Screen Shot 2013-05-01 at 1.41.00 PM

Mush Mush! Naomi “ridin solo” Uemura, your trip was not easy.  As records say, during the 4th day of his trek, a polar bear entered his camp, demolished all his food, and pressed his nose against Uemura. Understandably pissed, Uemura was ready for the bear who came back the following day (which would be his last day) as Uemura shot him dead.

Screen Shot 2013-05-01 at 3.54.09 PM And to round out this crazy day, we have Pope John Paul II beatified (blessed). Fun Fact: PJPII beatified more people during his papacy than any other pope in history. Bin Laden was killed. Huge deal. Not going to explain further or project my personal political views.

And to cap it off, I saved the most notable for last.

Screen Shot 2013-05-01 at 6.50.06 PM

It’s true. Most people drink water. But I am not most people. I ate water. Happy May Day Folks. Celebrate accordingly.

Man Crates’ Spring Cleaning Guide – Putting the “pro” in Procrastinate

Spring cleaning is upon us once again, gentlemen. And unless you’re a groundskeeper or a farmer (which many of you probably are), it’s likely not your favorite time of year. So why not procrastinate a bit longer and read our handy Spring Cleaning Guide?

Step One – Procrastinate

We must say, we’re proud of you. You’re already ahead of the curve, as you’re on the internet procrastinating instead of cleaning out the rain gutters. Nevermind the fact that the last rainstorm damn near flooded your basement because the torrents of water weren’t properly channeled into a clean rain gutter–wet leaves are gross anyway. So don’t feel the need to leave, Man Crates is a safe place.

Step Two – Make a List of Excuses

Sure, I know Step Two is just a subset of Step One, but keep in mind, I’m still on Step One and I’m kinda milking it.

The important thing here is to be organized. Someone, be it a wife, roommate, or girlfriend is going to assault you pretty soon here and if you aren’t prepared, you’re in serious trouble. So make an itemized list of all the reasons why you can’t rake off that weird crust that developed on the lawn over the winter.

Here’s an excellent example:

ManCratesApproved

“Honey I need you to clean up the yard and all you’re doing is lying on the couch watching ESPN Classic.”

“My dear, it should be clear I’m merely adjusting my back. I have an important racquetball game with Ron in accounting tomorrow, and if he wins he gets my parking spot.”

That interaction? Man Crates Approved.

Step Three – Make a Real List

Eventually all good things come to an end, and your wife is bound to figure out that you would never play racquetball with Ron in accounting because that guy is a major tool. So you’d better get your plan in order.

You’re probably pretty good at making lists by now so I trust you can lay out which things you need to do first. Like putting out the hammock. And then stress-testing the hammock. Be sure not to shirk on this one–safety is paramount. Then of course you’ll need to take down the Christmas lights because that old batty woman next door keeps sneering at them. And because it’s like, April.

Remember not to rush this list. Step One is never really over when you’re spring cleaning.

Step Four – Feel Accomplished

Let’s be honest, Spring Cleaning is a bit of a joke. It’s more like “work relatively hard for a few hours on a warm Saturday so you can justify neglecting the yard for another month.” But don’t let that stop you from taking a serious load off around 4:30 in the afternoon. Drink a beer on the half-assembled yard furniture. Why not make it three? You could grill a burger…but you’re tired; and more importantly, the grill is still crammed deep in the recesses of the shed.

So just dial up Domino’s. You’ve earned it gents.