Man Crates has teamed up with World War Z author Max Brooks to equip the freedom fighters of the pending zombie apocalypse. Armed with the definitive guidebook on zombie survival and a ton of other zombie survival gear from Man Crates, we’re helping those bold, brave few defend humankind from extinction.
So enter the giveaway below to win an exclusive Max Brooks signature Zombie Annihilation Man Crate, including a signed copy of World War Z, and take a stand for humanity:
By now, you’ve all heard of our Man of Moxie series. Does the name Alexander Selkirk sound familiar? No? How about Roberson Crusoe? Because Selkirk was the guy Daniel Defoe based his famous island survivor on. Often truth is stranger than fiction. Such is the case with Mr. Selkirk.
Fighting on orders of the Queen, Selkirk fought as a buccaneer, pilfering Spanish ships in the South Pacific Ocean. However, on one expedition, he expressed a lack of faith in the vessel he was sailing on. In an act of supreme foresight, Selkirk proclaimed that he would rather stay on an unoccupied island in the South Pacific than continue on in the rickety vessel. Such Moxie…
So the captain obliged, stranding him on Juan Fernández Islands with his gear and nothing else. (Turns out Selkirk was right, as the ship sunk off the coast of Columbia. The crew ended up in Spanish prisons.)
His first days on the island were spent miserably eating shellfish and regretting his decision. Then, to add insult to injury, a bunch of sea lions moved onto the beach and forced him from his recent home. This turned out to be a boon for Selkirk, however, as he soon discovered feral goats that past sailors had introduced to the island.
So, like Greg from Meet the Parents, our survivor man decided to milk these little goats.
Oh then he found some wild white turnips, cabbage, and peppers.
So he was eating like a king, but then another problem crept up–rats. Aggressive and hungry rodents began hassling Selkirk at night once he moved inland. So he did what any Moxie Man would do–he domesticated a grip of feral cats to defend him.
You read that right, our man who was living in the lap of luxury, eating goat cheese over a bed of cabbage and turnips, had his own personal “kitty Secret Service.:
At one point during his exile, a Spanish galleon came ashore. Preferring his island prison to a real one back on land, Selkirk managed to evade the Spanish until they gave up looking for him. How did they know he was there? Because he had built himself two huts. The man had a bloody guest hut. I guess it’s true about the British always being ready to entertain company.
Selkirk was eventually rescued by another British privateering ship. Well, they were actually rescued by him. After the crew came ashore suffering from scurvy, Selkirk caught 2-3 goats a day, feeding them and restoring them to health. He probably would have built them all a hut if he’d had the time.
It seems these days that less and less do you hear of men going fishing. Hell, it was a classic joke, “a bad day fishing beats a good day at work.” But why?
Did fishing become somehow less appealing? Were fathers not passing it on to their sons? I don’t know why, but I just can’t shake the feeling like I’m one of the last anglers out there. Is this how the last of the mohicans felt?
And I am sure if you fish I’m sure you feel the same way. If you don’t fish, allow me regale you with all of the reasons you should at least give fishing a chance.
Clear your head. Seriously, when was the last day you actually relaxed? I don’t mean relaxed like, browsed Reddit, checked emails, or watched Game of Thrones. I mean a full day in which you make “just kickin’ it” a priority.
Well that’s what fishing is for, my friend. You find a comfortable spot to sit or stand, you get your rod set, and get to it. I myself am a fly fisherman (a superior breed to be sure), so my fishing experiences are peaceful and melodic. Find a great spot, pull out some line, and cast. Rinse and repeat. And catching a fish beats yard work, if you ask me.
But I’m also a fan of ice fishing. Cut a hole in the ice, bait your hooks, and just drink beer until the sun goes down. Hey, you might even catch dinner while you’re at it. Most likely you will just be cold, but the sweet gear you can use and the tales you will tell make it worth it!
If you don’t fish, now’s a great time to wrangle up some of your bros, scare up some nightcrawlers, and head to the nearest body of water. Why not get matching Gone Fishin’ Crates while you’re at it? And definitely don’t forget the beer. Because that trout koozie will just look ridiculous.
Your BBQ is winding down. The cooler finally has more ice than beer and everyone’s looking to crash on the couch with a cold one and a manly movie to doze off in front of. Unfortunately, the best you can do is Dances With Wolves. So it’s safe to say that now you’ve definitely lost the respect of your buddies. But maybe it’s not permanent.
The fact is, if your friends find out your manly movies are limited to Michael Bay films that aren’t The Rock, you’re going to have to make a pretty grand gesture to stop the endless jokes. So hit up the local Best Buy (oh who am I kidding, you probably only shop on Amazon, because you’re under 70).
Braveheart – they cannot take your freedom. To just put this on loop for the next three days straight.
Rocky – I mean, this is a pretty standard manly film, but whatever. The only reason I watch it is for the part at the end where Rocky just yells “ADRIAN!” over and over. Shit gets me every time. [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tad3NI68dKA[/youtube]
Rambo – I really want to drive home the point that if a movie has Sylvester Stallone, it’s probably manly enough.
Independence Day – Will Smith punches an alien in the head, makes a pithy comment and then smokes a cigar. ’nuff said [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfPWpEKhgfk[/youtube]
Die Hard – I think the letter Homer Simpson wrote to Die Hard sums it up best: “Dear Die Hard. You rock. Especially when that guy was on the roof. P.S: Do you know Mad Max?”
Literally any movie with Clint Eastwood in it. You name it. (Except Pink Cadillac. Don’t name that. It sounds like a drink- and unfortunately is a movie)
The Mask of Zorro – the best part about having a copy of Zorro on-hand, is that if anyone criticizes it, you get to punch them right in the mouth.
Terminator I, II and III
There you have it. With even one of these flicks in your collection, you can make sure to impress your dude friends with your manly cinema knowledge. Oh, and stash that copy of Notting Hill/Love Actually under your bed, or they will find it.
I am sure you all have better idea– hit us with them @mancrates (yes we tweet)
It’s no secret that men love bacon. You’d have to be living under a rock not to notice that an entirefreakingbaconindustry emerged almost overnight. But the real question that no one is asking is why men love bacon so damned much. Perhaps it’s because that question seems to answer itself. More likely, it’s because everyone’s too damn busy eating bacon to ask why they’re eating it.
But we reached out to our old friends from the National Bacon Institute of Bacon Research and Development for their input on exactly why men love bacon more than any other earthly substance.
“It’s pretty easy to trace a love of bacon to early man’s evolutionary needs,” explained Bacon Doctor Arnold Henderson, “I mean, men in the Stone Age required delicious food just as much as any modern-day man. Seriously, can you imagine living without TV and bacon? I shudder at the thought.”
“For our research, we eat hundreds of pounds of bacon a month,” said Greg Stevenson from the warm seat of his Jazzy. “We may have not revealed all of bacon’s secrets, but we’re getting closer.”
Henderson and Stevenson are famous for their innovative and brave research into the long-term effects of cooking with bacon grease on general male happiness. Their paper entitled, “How a Jar of Bacon Grease in a Fridge Can Feasibly Replace Anti-Depressants” nearly bankrupted three major pharmaceutical companies.
So what does the future hold for the future of bacon research?
“We’re making giant strides toward mapping the entire bacon genome. It’s been an ongoing process bringing in bacon experts worldwide.” Henderson explained.
His partner elaborated, “as a layman it may not make much sense to sink more into bacon research than we do into NASA, but trust me, the payoff is coming. Understanding just why men love bacon so much is integral to our ultimate goal as a species. Making more delicious bacon.”
If you’re planning on it– finding out you’re having a baby can be just about the most exciting thing to ever happen to you. Really the only thing that could make it better would be tossing a Man Crate in the mix.
Just ask Tom and Ivory.
Meet Tom and Ivory, all-American couple from Michigan. Tom was away on business in middle-of-nowhere, Wyoming, when Ivory found out she was pregnant. She was excited, but not too excited that she spilled the beans right away. She had the class and wit to design a great plan how to announce the news to her husband Tom. Like everyone else who has purchased one, she found that a Man Crate was perfect for her situation.
So Ivory ordered one of our New Dad Tactical Bags, complete with Baby Owner’s Manual and mustachifier. Although she’d exercised an impressive amount of restraint up to this point, the news was itching to get out. Problem was, it was a Friday. Wisely, Ivory dialed up the Man Crates survival line for help.
Through some FedEx finagling and some negotiations with multiple gods, we were able to get Tom his manly baby bag the next morning. Because Ivory was our first customer ever to tell her hubby she’s pregnant via a Man Crate, we gave her a break.
Ivory spent the her Friday evening too excited to sleep and we spent our Friday night pleading to pagan deities and fed ex. At 10:17 a.m. the next morning, Tom received a package at his door in Wyoming. Having no clue what it was for, he began sifting through the contents of his package. Growing more and more confused, Tom had arrived at the conclusion that his greatest fear had been realized–his lady had bought him a murse.
Cool present Ivory. A murse.
But Tom continued digging and opening the package. Eventually finding: a camo baby blanket (Thanks for the camo napkin, Ivory); a camo baby hat (oh sweet a hat that doesn’t fit); and jerky (I mean, I guess I’ll carry a murse if it comes with jerky…).
Finally, Tom found the baby owner’s manual and the mustachifier and it all clicked.
Oh, I’m having a baby!! I HAVE THE MOST AMAZING WIFE… EVER.
So there you have it. Man Crates is there for you during the big moments in your life. Rock on Tom and Ivory. Thanks for letting us be a part of it!
Does your Man Crates order have a fun story behind it? Tell us about it for some discounts / shwag!
You forgot Mother’s Day. It’s not like we warned you, right? Oh wait, yeah we did. Whatever, what’s done is done. Doubtlessly you fumbled your way through some pitiful excuse involving a car wreck and a hurt dog…but the damage is already done.
Can you make your way back to Golden Child status? Probably not. But you may be able to get her to start looking you in the eyes again at family functions.
Step 1 – Mend Fences
Remember that fence you blew up with your model rocket all those years ago? Well now would be a great time to actually fix it. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s time to move out of the basement. I know, I know, you’re only 27, but still… At this point, you moving out could be the best belated Mother’s Day gift a mother could ask for.
Step 2 – Keep The Pressure On
Sick of your brother Dan stealing the spotlight with his shiny BMW and pretty blonde wife? Well now is the time to shine. Why not turn this Mother’s Day debacle into something positive? Make it Monday brunch. Or Tuesday; since you’re probably busy Monday. The important thing to remember is that the crowds will be gone and you can really get down to business–how you’re still a great son.
Don’t forget to bring a spectacular Mother’s Day gift that you can calmly explain you didn’t want her to open in front of everyone. What kind of gift? We don’t know – that’s where you’ve gotta do some of the legwork. Now if you’re talking Father’s Day gifts… then we may have one or two epic man gifts for dad.
Step 3 – Finish the Fight
Don’t let up yet, though. Go BIG. Bring a puppy (or a kitten, I don’t know your mom) to breakfast with an oversized bow around its neck. Buy her a car. If the gesture is grandiose enough, she’ll stop wondering why you forgot Mother’s Day and start wondering why her other son Dan is such an relentless failure.
And you’ll be free to forget Mother’s Day for another few years.
Probably the hardest part about being single and living alone is remembering that you are actually responsible for feeding yourself. Whether it’s forgetting to eat or forgetting to buy groceries, single dudes have it rough. So whenever I run across a great recipe online that doesn’t require excessive shopping/prepping/ cooking/cleaning, I get pretty excited.
The other day I hit the jackpot. Reddit user IronRectangle shared his version of the poor man’s Pad Thai. I of course tried it first and it may be the greatest inexpensive and quick meal since the McDouble.
The ingredients are simple and cheap. Top Ramen, peanut butter, Sriracha, and three eggs. I picked up a box of 24 packets of ramen for under $5 at my local grocery store and the peanut butter and Sriracha will last ages. As for the eggs, if you buy them in a 6-pack you’ll definitely eat them before they expire.
Here’s how to do it:
Boil 2 cups of water
Add the Top Ramen packet. Toss the seasoning, that stuff sucks
Set timer to 3:33 for the noodles because you don’t have time for more than one button.
When the timer goes off, leave the heat on high.
Crack 3 eggs directly into the water, one at a time, stirring them into the noodles.
Finish cooking until eggs look done (1-2 min. max)
Unless you’re a communist who likes soupy ramen, drain the water
Add a large dollop of peanut butter and let it melt on the noodles for a minute.
Mix in peanut butter, and then begin to add Sriracha to taste.
You did it! For probably under $.50 you just made a pretty substantial AND relatively nutritious meal! I’ve made it about a dozen times now and I can do the whole process in under five minutes. Even better, total cleanup is a pot, a bowl, and a spoon.
Have a Bachelor Recipe of your own? Share it with us in the comments below!
No one can simply tell you what the “classiest drinks” are, because that’s the wrong way to look at it. It’s not always about what you drink, it’s about how you drink.
Step 1 – Learn the terms
Sometimes the classiest thing is just knowing what the hell you’re talking about.
Here are a few must-know terms to ordering a drink like a man.
Back – a small glass of something like water or soda that will be served with your drink
Dirty – when a martini is served with olive juice
Dry – another martini term for a martini with very little vermouth
Neat – a drink served without any ice or garnish; essentially a shot (some people also use the term “straight up” but those people have seen too many movies)
Well – an unidentified bottom shelf liquor you get when you don’t specify your liquor in a cocktail
So now you’re well on your way to not embarrassing yourself the second you open your mouth, but that next second can be tricky.
Step 2 – Know your liquor
Unless you’re a complete lush, you have a favorite booze. Unlike with your kids, you get to pick favorites here. Just don’t pick rum. Like ever. Unless you’re a pirate and then it’s okay.
Once you’ve pinned down the best poison for you, you need to learn more about it. And the best way to do this is, well, by drinking A LOT of it. If you like gin, make sure to order a different gin at the bar every time. Even if it’s in tonic water, you’ll start to pick up on subtle differences. You may not be the smartest guy at the bar, but you will know a hell of a lot about gin, which is better than nothing.
Step 3 – Tip your barman
Sure you’ve got the terms down, and you even know a thing or two about your drink of choice. But classy drinking goes well beyond that. Know your limits. A buzz is one thing, but drunkenness is not a good color on anyone. Just ask any of these beautiful people who had one too many.
Also, just don’t be weird. Don’t call your bartender by his name unless you know him. And definitely don’t call him “barkeep.” Finally, make sure to tip the man/lady. I usually just do $1 a drink, but if you order something fancy, toss in an extra buck. Because if you take care of your bartender, he’s sure to take care of you.
Have something to say about the classiest drinks for men? Do share @mancrates
It’s a safe bet you’ve never dreamt of your storybook wedding. Because, you know, you’re a dude. But whether or not you planned for it, it’s statistically probable you’re going to get married someday. After you take off that fedora. Go on. Take it off.
Now that you just raised your marriage potential by 100%, it’s time to start thinking about the wedding. One of the hardest parts of being a groom is finding the appropriate groomsmen. You really have to give it some thought before you ask Drunk Lou from college to stand behind you at the altar. And I know Chad was your favorite frat bro, but despite what he believes, he is not god’s gift to women. In fact, he’s not a gift to anyone. Because he’s a sleaze. If your brother ever hooked up with your prom date, it’s safe to say you should leave him out too.
So who does that leave?
Well how about that nerdy dude that helped you swing a C in your stats class? You’re definitely not going to catch him drunkenly slobbering on bridesmade after the ceremony. Or how about that childhood friend who still lives with his parents and posts on your Facebook wall once a day? You should probably just throw him a bone. And the religious guy in your dorm who claimed he “could have just as much fun without drinking” would probably save you some money on the bar bill.
We’d keep giving you wedding advice, but you’ve probably already forgotten what we just told you. Just remember that when you leave the groomsmen gifts until the last minute, Man Crates does rush shipping. But no, we can’t come tie your bow tie.