It’s no secret that men love bacon. You’d have to be living under a rock not to notice that an entirefreakingbaconindustry emerged almost overnight. But the real question that no one is asking is why men love bacon so damned much. Perhaps it’s because that question seems to answer itself. More likely, it’s because everyone’s too damn busy eating bacon to ask why they’re eating it.
But we reached out to our old friends from the National Bacon Institute of Bacon Research and Development for their input on exactly why men love bacon more than any other earthly substance.
“It’s pretty easy to trace a love of bacon to early man’s evolutionary needs,” explained Bacon Doctor Arnold Henderson, “I mean, men in the Stone Age required delicious food just as much as any modern-day man. Seriously, can you imagine living without TV and bacon? I shudder at the thought.”
“For our research, we eat hundreds of pounds of bacon a month,” said Greg Stevenson from the warm seat of his Jazzy. “We may have not revealed all of bacon’s secrets, but we’re getting closer.”
Henderson and Stevenson are famous for their innovative and brave research into the long-term effects of cooking with bacon grease on general male happiness. Their paper entitled, “How a Jar of Bacon Grease in a Fridge Can Feasibly Replace Anti-Depressants” nearly bankrupted three major pharmaceutical companies.
So what does the future hold for the future of bacon research?
“We’re making giant strides toward mapping the entire bacon genome. It’s been an ongoing process bringing in bacon experts worldwide.” Henderson explained.
His partner elaborated, “as a layman it may not make much sense to sink more into bacon research than we do into NASA, but trust me, the payoff is coming. Understanding just why men love bacon so much is integral to our ultimate goal as a species. Making more delicious bacon.”
If men are preparing any food, the best bet is that we’re cooking meat over an open flame. Because that’s how it should be done. But there is another process another process for preparing meat–drying–produces equally delicious results, even if no one gets to fire up their grill. This is Jerky.
By definition, Jerky is lean meat trimmed of fat, cut into strips, and then dried– to prevent spoilage. Meat forever. Delicious. All Day.
But don’t be fooled, making it can be as complicated as brewing beer or as simple asgrilling a steak. At its core, the process consists of three steps:
Find some lean meat (because fat doesn’t dry and will go rancid)
Add salt, salt, and more salt. Oh and a dash of salt.
However, this seemingly simple process allows for unique complexities at every stage. Some jerky makers prefer to use a less-lean meat for moister jerky, while others will basically dry pure muscle.
The second stage is where most jerky gains its flavor–jerky dryers will add in anything from sugars and spices to beer and chili peppers. This stage is where science, ingenuity, and a good nose come into play, moving jerky from just a salted meat into the realm of a delicious marinated steak. The chemistry and basics behind this process is trial and error and eventually you will uncover your flavor.
Even the drying stage allows for a great variety. Home jerky makers are certainly familiar with a basic food dehydrator, which can produce a quick and easy jerky. However, larger operations tend to use massive drying ovens. Another more traditional method–smoking–preserves it’s flavor best, but is also much more difficult.
No matter how you cut it, we can all agree that jerky deserves a top spot in the hierarchy of manly foods.
If you need inspiration for your Jerky, check out the Slaughterhouse crate… over a pound of the best jerky around. Guaranteed. http://www.mancrates.com/jerkygrams