The Best Domestic Imported Beers for Your Buck

Forbes
You had ONE job, Forbes summer intern!

Today Forbes revealed that Sam Adams–a popular imported Boston beer–is beating out big name beers. While you may be surprised to hear that such a small, unknown foreign brewery is beating out the big boys here in the States, we thought it represented a great opportunity to tell you about other popular imported beers.

Miller Lite

A fine beer for any occasion, Miller Brewing Company is a small operation running out of far off Milwaukee (mɪlˈwɔːki). The beer they import to the U.S. is a light beer with little to no aftertaste (or before taste, really). Their beer pairs well with any exotic food, from corn dogs to hot dogs to chili dogs–it’s extremely versatile.

Natural Light

Referred to by in-the-know locals as “Natty Light,” Natural Light is an imported American-Style Light Lager sure to please anyone looking for a worldly taste. Natty is unique in that it is traditionally consumed in its native land not in a glass, but through a plastic funnel.

Beer 30

Easily the most exotic brew on our list, Beer 30 is one imported brew that fully encapsulates the best of its homeland. The ingredients that actually go into Beer 30 are a closely guarded secret, but rumors abound that anything from viscera to pure gasoline are used in the brewing process. Taking a sip of a finely imported beer like Beer 30 (which I believe is German for “delicious”) transports you to the gorgeous shores of Prince William Sound or the deep blue Hudson River. At no point in drinking this fine import will you have thoughts of suicide or depression.  

Classiest Drinks for Guys – Avoiding the Umbrella

No one can simply tell you what the “classiest drinks” are, because that’s the wrong way to look at it. It’s not always about what you drink, it’s about how you drink.

Now Here is a Dapper Bro
Now Here is a Dapper Bro

 

Step 1 – Learn the terms

Sometimes the classiest thing is just knowing what the hell you’re talking about.

Here are a few must-know terms to ordering a drink like a man.

  • Back – a small glass of something like water or soda that will be served with your drink
  • Dirty – when a martini is served with olive juice
  • Dry – another martini term for a martini with very little vermouth
  • Neat – a drink served without any ice or garnish; essentially a shot (some people also use the term “straight up” but those people have seen too many movies)
  • Well – an unidentified bottom shelf liquor you get when you don’t specify your liquor in a cocktail

So now you’re well on your way to not embarrassing yourself the second you open your mouth, but that next second can be tricky.

Step 2 – Know your liquor

Unless you’re a complete lush, you have a favorite booze. Unlike with your kids, you get to pick favorites here. Just don’t pick rum. Like ever. Unless you’re a pirate and then it’s okay.

The rum is always gone for you. Because you ain’t Captain Jack Sparrow.

Once you’ve pinned down the best poison for you, you need to learn more about it. And the best way to do this is, well, by drinking A LOT of it. If you like gin, make sure to order a different gin at the bar every time. Even if it’s in tonic water, you’ll start to pick up on subtle differences. You may not be the smartest guy at the bar, but you will know a hell of a lot about gin, which is better than nothing.

Step 3 – Tip your barman

Sure you’ve got the terms down, and you even know a thing or two about your drink of choice. But classy drinking goes well beyond that. Know your limits. A buzz is one thing, but drunkenness is not a good color on anyone. Just ask any of these beautiful people who had one too many.

 Also, just don’t be weird. Don’t call your bartender by his name unless you know him. And definitely don’t call him “barkeep.” Finally, make sure to tip the man/lady. I usually just do $1 a drink, but if you order something fancy, toss in an extra buck. Because if you take care of your bartender, he’s sure to take care of you.

Have something to say about the classiest drinks for men? Do share @mancrates

How to Spend the Rest of your Tax Day

You did it! You successfully navigated some of the most complicated and convoluted tax laws on the planet. So what’s next?

It starts at the office

Let’s be honest, it’s not like you spent the day actually working. Between double checking all of your numbers, the letter from your tax guy, and meticulously filling in checks, you accomplished zippo all day. So why break that streak after you drop off the check at the post office on your lunch break?

I say let it ride. Slack off. Sneak some whisky from that flask you keep for special occasions. But whatever you do, don’t work. You just wrote a check for an ungodly amount of money to a system you’re not sure you trust or even like all that much. So kick your feet up on the desk and play some Angry Birds on your phone. And if the boss man asks you what the hell you’re doing, just hit him with the classic Tax Day Shrug: 

Head for the nearest bar

Just because you spent all day trying to get three stars on all the levels of Angry Birds Star Wars doesn’t mean you aren’t stressed out. If you’re not stressed consider these fun tax day facts:

  • It’s entirely possible to pay twice the value of your home in property tax alone over 50 years.
  • That rich jerk you went to high school with probably has a lower tax rate than you.
  • The company that rich jerk owns probably pays no taxes whatsoever.

So as I was saying…alcohol.

Bars around the country are going to filled with millions of other men drinking away the pain of cutting Uncle Sam a big fat check. And if your bar is really hip, they probably have a special drink to celebrate the occasion.  Something like “the Taxman Drinketh” or the “Death and Taxes shot” or something, I don’t know I’m not a bartender.

Use those taxes

If you don’t feel like drinking yourself into oblivion, we understand. After all, it is still a Monday. Instead, spend the rest of the day really getting the most out of those taxes by using all those services your tax dollars pay for.

  • Drive on a road.  
  • Take out your trash.
  • Invade a foreign country.
  • Stop at a stoplight.
  • Bail out a few billion dollar banks.
  • Visit a library.
  • Drink some high fructose corn syrup.

And take solace in the fact that during the first French Revolution, the tax collectors were some of the first to lose their heads.

 

Summer Drinking Season: Do’s and Don’ts

Summer is upon us gentlemen. It’s time to embarrass our loved ones with pasty white legs and too-short shorts. Time to make commitments we’ll never keep once we see our winter gut in full daylight. But most importantly, summer is a time to enjoy a cold drink. There’s a reason Corona changed their entire identity to idealize sipping beers on the beach. But you must be even safer drinking in the summer than any other time of year because of just what’s at stake–your manliness. Think you’re Rico Suave because you ordered a mint julep? Or that you can drink that frilly drink if you just remove the mini umbrella? Think again. Here’s a few tips to get you through this confusing and…colorful time of year. Summer drinking season is upon us gentlemen.

Don’ts

  • Mini umbrellas. In fact, if your drink is served with anything but alcohol (or maybe a lime) in it, you should probably just send it back. This applies to mini swords, swizzle sticks, and twisty straws. 
  • Fruit. Sounds good doesn’t it? Sitting on a warm beach, sipping a drink and occasionally snatching a chunk of pineapple from your glass. Well, unless you’re a 3rd century Roman concubine, lazily eating booze-besotten fruit is not going to be a good look on you.
  • Unless it’s mixed with Coke, avoid rum. You’re not a teenager sneaking drinks from the liquor cabinet and you’re not a sorority girl taking shots, so why on earth are you drinking rum? Put. It. Down.
  • A bar is still a bar. Just because it’s warm and the patio furniture is outside of your favorite bar doesn’t mean you’re in Cabo San Lucas on Spring Break. So don’t order anything that’s going to make the barman look at you sideways, or that pisco sour may have more than an egg in it.  

Dos

  • Drink Corona. Seriously. Have you had a Corona on a beach?
  • Take shots of tequila, like everywhere. It doesn’t matter if it’s warm and sunny or Minnesota–it’s summer and therefore copious amounts of tequila MUST be consumed.
  • Order margaritas. Blended. With salt. C’mon, how badly do you want to pull over at that snow cone shack every summer? But you don’t, because you’re not a pedophile and would therefore feel weird standing in line with a dozen 8 year olds. Well now’s your chance. (And hey, it’s yet another great opportunity to drink tequila.)