Man Crates Brings Back Gone Fishing

It seems these days that less and less do you hear of men going fishing. Hell, it was a classic joke, “a bad day fishing beats a good day at work.” But why?

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Did fishing become somehow less appealing? Were fathers not passing it on to their sons? I don’t know why, but I just can’t shake the feeling like I’m one of the last anglers out there. Is this how the last of the mohicans felt?

And I am sure if you fish I’m sure you feel the same way. If you don’t fish, allow me regale you with all of the reasons you should at least give fishing a chance.

Clear your head. Seriously, when was the last day you actually relaxed? I don’t mean relaxed like, browsed Reddit, checked emails, or watched Game of Thrones. I mean a full day in which you make “just kickin’ it” a priority. 

Well that’s what fishing is for, my friend. You find a comfortable spot to sit or stand, you get your rod set, and get to it. I myself am a fly fisherman (a superior breed to be sure), so my fishing experiences are peaceful and melodic. Find a great spot, pull out some line, and cast. Rinse and repeat. And catching a fish beats yard work, if you ask me.

But I’m also a fan of ice fishing. Cut a hole in the ice, bait your hooks, and just drink beer until the sun goes down. Hey, you might even catch dinner while you’re at it. Most likely you will just be cold, but the sweet gear you can use and the tales you will tell make it worth it!

If you don’t fish, now’s a great time to wrangle up some of your bros, scare up some nightcrawlers, and head to the nearest body of water. Why not get matching Gone Fishin’ Crates while you’re at it? And definitely don’t forget the beer. Because that trout koozie will just look ridiculous.

 

Why Men Love Bacon

This is about bacon. 

It’s no secret that men love bacon. You’d have to be living under a rock not to notice that an entire freaking bacon industry emerged almost overnight. But the real question that no one is asking is why men love bacon so damned much. Perhaps it’s because that question seems to answer itself. More likely, it’s because everyone’s too damn busy eating bacon to ask why they’re eating it.

credit: xkcd.com

But we reached out to our old friends from the National Bacon Institute of Bacon Research and Development for their input on exactly why men love bacon more than any other earthly substance.

“It’s pretty easy to trace a love of bacon to early man’s evolutionary needs,” explained Bacon Doctor Arnold Henderson, “I mean, men in the Stone Age required delicious food just as much as any modern-day man. Seriously, can you imagine living without TV and bacon? I shudder at the thought.”

mmmmm.... bacon
mmmmm…. bacon

“For our research, we eat hundreds of pounds of bacon a month,” said Greg Stevenson from the warm seat of his Jazzy. “We may have not revealed all of bacon’s secrets, but we’re getting closer.”

Henderson and Stevenson are famous for their innovative and brave research into the long-term effects of cooking with bacon grease on general male happiness. Their paper entitled, “How a Jar of Bacon Grease in a Fridge Can Feasibly Replace Anti-Depressants” nearly bankrupted three major pharmaceutical companies.

So what does the future hold for the future of bacon research?

“We’re making giant strides toward mapping the entire bacon genome. It’s been an ongoing process bringing in bacon experts worldwide.” Henderson explained.

His partner elaborated, “as a layman it may not make much sense to sink more into bacon research than we do into NASA, but trust me, the payoff is coming. Understanding just why men love bacon so much is integral to our ultimate goal as a species. Making more delicious bacon.”

Get your fill

 

 

Man Crates Delivers [news of] a Baby

Man Crates Delivers [news of] a Baby
If you’re planning on it– finding out you’re having a baby can be just about the most exciting thing to ever happen to you. Really the only thing that could make it better would be tossing a Man Crate in the mix.
Just ask Tom and Ivory.
Meet Tom and Ivory, all-American couple from Michigan. Tom was away on business in middle-of-nowhere, Wyoming, when Ivory found out she was pregnant. She was excited, but not too excited that she spilled the beans right away. She had the class and wit to design a great plan how to announce the news to her husband Tom. Like everyone else who has purchased one, she found that a Man Crate was perfect for her situation.
So Ivory ordered one of our New Dad Tactical Bags, complete with Baby Owner’s Manual and mustachifier. Although she’d exercised an impressive amount of restraint up to this point, the news was itching to get out. Problem was, it was a Friday. Wisely, Ivory dialed up the Man Crates survival line for help.
Through some FedEx finagling and some negotiations with multiple gods, we were able to get Tom his manly baby bag the next morning. Because Ivory was our first customer ever to tell her hubby she’s pregnant via a Man Crate, we gave her a break.
Ivory spent the her Friday evening too excited to sleep and we spent our Friday night pleading to pagan deities and fed ex. At 10:17 a.m. the next morning, Tom received a package at his door in Wyoming. Having no clue what it was for, he began sifting through the contents of his package. Growing more and more confused, Tom had arrived at the conclusion that his greatest fear had been realized–his lady had bought him a murse.
Cool present Ivory.  A murse. 
But Tom continued digging and opening the package. Eventually finding: a camo baby blanket (Thanks for the camo napkin, Ivory); a camo baby hat (oh sweet a hat that doesn’t fit); and jerky (I mean, I guess I’ll carry a murse if it comes with jerky…).
Finally, Tom found the baby owner’s manual and the mustachifier and it all clicked.
Oh, I’m having a baby!! I HAVE THE MOST AMAZING WIFE… EVER. 
The New Dad Tactical Bag
The New Dad Tactical Bag
So there you have it. Man Crates is there for you during the big moments in your life. Rock on Tom and Ivory. Thanks for letting us be a part of it!
Does your Man Crates order have a fun story behind it? Tell us about it for some discounts / shwag! 

Grooming your Groomsmen

It’s a safe bet you’ve never dreamt of your storybook wedding. Because, you know, you’re a dude. But whether or not you planned for it, it’s statistically probable you’re going to get married someday. After you take off that fedora. Go on. Take it off.

That’s better.

Now that you just raised your marriage potential by 100%, it’s time to start thinking about the wedding. One of the hardest parts of being a groom is finding the appropriate groomsmen. You really have to give it some thought before you ask Drunk Lou from college to stand behind you at the altar. And I know Chad was your favorite frat bro, but despite what he believes, he is not god’s gift to women. In fact, he’s not a gift to anyone. Because he’s a sleaze. If your brother ever hooked up with your prom date, it’s safe to say you should leave him out too.

So who does that leave?

Well how about that nerdy dude that helped you swing a C in your stats class? You’re definitely not going to catch him drunkenly slobbering on bridesmade after the ceremony. Or how about that childhood friend who still lives with his parents and posts on your Facebook wall once a day? You should probably just throw him a bone. And the religious guy in your dorm who claimed he “could have just as much fun without drinking” would probably save you some money on the bar bill.

We’d keep giving you wedding advice, but you’ve probably already forgotten what we just told you. Just remember that when you leave the groomsmen gifts until the last minute, Man Crates does rush shipping. But no, we can’t come tie your bow tie.

How to properly dispose of your Man Crate

How to properly decommission your Man Crate

Many people use their Man Crates as time capsules, to store tools, socks & video games, or as packaging for future gifts.    There’s no higher calling for a crate than being put out to pasture through purposeful recycling.  However in other cases- when you’re on the trail and can’t carry the weight, or when your crate has otherwise out-survived it’s mission and purpose, there’s a respectful way to dispose of it.

Man Crate Decommissioning Ceremony

Set a date and invite people who were a part of the Man Crate’s life.  The gathering should be set for dusk, in a place where you can build a small ceremonial fire.  Attendees should be dressed appropriately.

  • Begin the ceremony with the lighting of the fire- the Man Crate should not be in the initial fire
  • The crowbar should be present
  • Present the crate to the group
  • If you were given the crate as a gift, say a few words about the person who sent you the crate
  • Recount the crate opening- where were you?  How long did you struggle to pry the lid off?

Conclude the ceremony by placing the crate in the fire.  Open beers.  Toast the bonds between us that transcend the physical  and give us our humanity.

 

Tell Us More

What did you do with your Man Crate once the chow was gone and the gear was put to use?  Take a minute and write in to let us know how you’ve recycled your Man Crate.

Other Gifts for Men Suck

10 Reasons to Give a Man Crate
Reason #10 – Other Gifts for Men Suck

 

Top 10
Cha-ching! Its the top 10!


OK.  Just to recap, we’ve already covered 9 great reasons to give a Man Crate:

To round out our top 10, we give you the last reason.  This should be an obvious one.  In fact, you’ve likely come to this conclusion already and if not, just spend some time looking at some of our competitors’ sites and we’re sure you will.  Simply put, your other options suck.

Traditional gift baskets for men?  Nope.  Gift cards?  Lame. Knitting a sweater, socks or something else?  Time-consuming, unappreciated and itchy. Something else?  Hours wasted on Google for ultimately sub-par gift.

Unless he’s told you EXACTLY what he wants, go with the sure-fire option and give him a 100% authentic Man Crate.  We got your back with our guarantee and we promise that he’ll never forget the first gift he opened with a crowbar.

Man Crate High Five Guarantee – Gift Baskets for Men

10 Reasons to Give a Man Crate
Reason #9 – High Five Guarantee

Part of the fun of giving a gift is seeing the reaction on the person’s face when they open it.  You’ve probably had an awkward situation where you receive, or worse yet, give a gift that obviously misses the mark.  You can see it on his face.  The fake smile, the nervous “oooh, this is… awesome?!”, the half-hearted “thank you”.  Kind of like when Grandma knits you a pair of alpaca boxer shorts that feel like you’ve got sandpaper up against your man bits.  Not good.

With Man Crates, you don’t have to worry about this kind of awkwardness.  We got you, and the recipient covered.

How to High Five
Skills 101 for Men

Every crate we sell comes backed by our High Five Guarantee.  If he doesn’t love the Man Crate you get him, just send it back to us and we’ll give you 100% of your money back.  No questions asked.

Man Crate Defense Against Zombies

10 Reasons to Give a Man Crate
Reason #8 – Defense against Zombies

Zombies?  Really?  That’s where we’re going with this top 10 list?  Yes.  It is.  And it just could save your life.

In the event of a Zombie apocalypse, choosing the right defensive weapon is key.  As we know from the movies, in mere moments without warning, swarms of the undead could be knocking at your door looking for a tasty bite.

 

Man Crate Zombie Weapon
Try a Man Crate mace on for size.

Imagine, if you will, that you’ve just sent you friend/brother/father/boyfriend a typical gift basket.  Its too late to run… the zombie hordes are already in the house.  Make or break time.  He grabs that lovely wicker gift basket from the counter.  Pause.

In a word, he’s screwed.  Can you imagine someone trying to dismantle a zombie by bashing it in the head with a wicker basket?  No?  Neither can the zombies.  Game over.

Now, imagine you’d sent a Man Crate – a cubic foot of solid, 100% zombie brain stem-destroying manliness.  Better yet, attach a chain and you’ve got something akin to a medieval mace.  Yep, things just got real. Poor zombies will have to find another meat bag handi-snack because your homeboy is armed and ready.

Then after he’s done defending his castle, he can pop the top on his Man Crate and help himself to some frosty brews and tasty treats while he waits out the impending collapse of the zombie population in style.  That’s what I call being prepared.

Next: Reason #9 – Man Crates High Five Guarantee

Our Customers Love Man Crates

10 Reasons to Give a Man Crate
Reason #7 – Listen to our Customers

Our customers.  Who knows better than those guys?  Nobody.  That’s who.  So here are some direct quotes from some of the lucky recipients and senders of Man Crates.

“My friend and I are both just manly biker kind of dudes.  A man crate fits the bill perfectly as a gift and its not all prissy.” – Steve M.

“I have gone through google searching for a macho gift basket for men, only getting fruit and womens baskets under the name men’s baskets. Very cool idea, especially the crate instead of the basket.” – Kelly C.

“I just found mancrates and its awesome! Can’t wait to get the high five from my little brother when he receives his crate.” – Erik B.

“I’ve been looking for something to send my husband. If I sent him a normal gift basket he’d throw it at me. Man Crates is perfect.” – Diane D.

If you need more convincing, just give us a call at 866-902-7206 and we’ll tell you exactly why Man Crates dominates the competition and is the perfect gift basket for men.

Next: Reason #8 – Defense against Zombies

Embarrassment-Free Gifts Baskets for Men

10 Reasons to Give a Man Crate
Reason #6 – Zero Embarrassment Factor

Send the typical gift basket to his office and this is how he’ll feel:

They're Laughing at Him
They're all gonna laugh at him!

Now, of course, he’ll never actually tell you this, but rest assured, you’re killing his manhood.  He might as well turn in his man card as soon as he opens one of those other gift baskets for men.  Not good.

Save him the embarrassment and send him a manly Man Crates.  Just imagine the look on his friends’ faces when he cracks open his Man Crate full of beer and snacks with a crowbar.  Nice.

Next: Reason #7 – Our Customers Love Man Crates