One of the best parts of this job is working with our customers and the Man Crates Brain Trust to design new crates. The internet connects you with all kinds of people, some who have awesome ideas. Here’s a few of the crates queued up for release in 2013:
Tactical Dad Bag
The best diaper bag a man can get caught carrying. Literally camouflaged, no one will be able to tell this bag contains a baby operator manual, earplugs, powders, wipes and other infant accouterments. Ships with the Man Crates fist & crowbar onesie or beanie so you can start training your brood in the essentials of manly living right from the get-go.
The Golfer’s Crate
If there was one thing the people demanded to be heard on in 2012, it was the golfer crate. No pros ourselves, we’ve been sneaking into private country clubs using plaid and British accents to observe the golfer in his natural habitat. Several high-speed golf cart chases and many hours on the driving range and community course later, we’re close to announcing the perfect line up of golf essentials for the man that can wield both a crowbar and a 9-iron.
Hot & Spicy Crate
This crate was briefly spotted in early 2012, and a few were ordered. It was unsuccessful. We’d delivered a 3-Mile-Island level of spice, a complete failure. We’ve scoured the earth and HotSauce.com for the most concentrated, lethal dose of Scoville rated pepper sauces, jerky and snacks that we could find. Hot & Spicy Crate version 2.0 will be like Chernobyl on your gums, like a shock & awe campaign for your tongue, and a seven year plague on your throat and GI tract. We’re still working with our insurance company to make sure we’re covered sending these, and some items may be considered weaponized liquids ineligible for export.
We’ve got our work cut out for us. We love hearing when we got things right and when there’s an item that would be perfect in our crates. So long as your suggestion is not one of the following ALREADY REJECTED ideas leave a comment and let us know what else we should be working on.
Crates which will never be made:
- The Live Wolverine Crate – this chapter of Man Crates is closed.
- The Bacon Haters Crate – Please stop emailing us, Cindy. You’re a hostile vegan and we can’t help you.
- Get Off My Lawn Crate – functional, but we’re not ready
- Ninja Repellent Crate
- Pet Sympathy Crate
- Dancer’s Man Crate
- Anything involving spiders
Happy new year and hope 2013 has lots of awesome gifts in store!